Torn...

I haven`t blogged for ages now.. but suddenly i feel the urge to let my fingers run free and type things that i wanna say but can`t..
maybe cause i don`t know if people will listen..and maybe cause i don`t wanna say them out loud.. but i certainly have to say them,, one way or the other...
I`m at a friend`s house right now.. and his GF just came over.. which is all swell for him of course :P... but now i`m the one who`s torn..
i mean i really am genuinely happy for them when i see them together.. they are both my friends.. and are both wonderful people.. and i truely love them...
but on the other end of the spectrum.. i can`t help but feel bad for myself.. and even a tat jealous of them.. and that`s why i`m so torn.. i feel guilty for feeling jealous.. but then again.. i can`t help but wonder how it would feel like to finally be with someone u care for so strongly..and whom u hope feels the same way about you.. now isn`t that something worth the wonder..and the trouble?... I sure can`t think of something more important.. or more heart warming..or wrenching...